Dear Blissful Loyalists and Fans,
As Juliet and I finally found a home we were prepared for the"big relax" and end to our last 7 weeks on the road. We met a very cool Marine and Veteran of Iraq who needed to sublet his place. We, living in a shit hotel, needed a place.
We agreed on a price, rented furniture, set up cable and internet, finally culminating in a key and cash swap like a coke deal in broad daylight.
Joey(as we will call him) was a man of his word and we had a home.
Come to find out his idea of clean and ours was a bit different. As we walked into the place we noticed an acrid air of foot-funk and soured beverages. We immediately saw that Joey's trophy case of empty beer bottles and cheap wine was still in all its glory positioned above our stove and facing out to the living area. He told me he saw me admiring them when we visited before and he assumed I would want to keep them. He appeared to pout when we told him that they were destined for the recycle.
As Juliet was seething at the condition of the floors, the walls, the tub, and the aroma I was walking Joey out to his car and sending him on his way. I returned and prepared to micturate in my new toilet only to discover it was completely brown with mildew and scum.
Juliet almost cried and 20 minutes later so did I when the $91.37 bill for cleaning supplies rang up at our local Target.
Of course the smell was still pervasive, even with pet odor remover running deep into the carpets, Lysol bombs every 2-4 hours, and soap and water flowing like loaves and fishes.
A few hours after our self-imposed sterilization lock-down Joey returned and while acting surprised that we found the place to be unsatisfactorily fumigated he brazenly asked if Juliet, being a nurse, would inspect and treat a glass wound; in of all places, his foot.
Not even Seinfeld could have prepared us for this.
At least I have internet...